Supporting Your Partner Through Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Beyond
UT Health Austin perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist shares expert advice on strengthening your relationship throughout your journey to parenthood
Reviewed by: Lisa Boyars, MD
Written by: Lauren Schneider
It’s hard to know what to expect when your partner is expecting, but honest conversations can help you provide meaningful support as you welcome a new child into your lives.
“Every pregnancy is different, and every couple is different. Sharing your concerns and expectations together can help you plan for what lies ahead,” shares Lisa Boyars, MD, a perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist in both Women’s Reproductive Mental Health of Texas within UT Health Austin’s Mulva Clinic for the Neurosciences and the Comprehensive Fetal Care Center, a clinical partnership between Dell Children’s Medical Center and UT Health Austin.
In addition to working with patients pre-pregnancy, including those experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, Dr. Boyars specializes in managing mental health concerns that arise during the perinatal period, which spans from the start of pregnancy through the postpartum period.
“The perinatal period can be a particularly vulnerable time for mothers, as new mental health challenges may emerge,” explains Dr. Boyars. “About one in five women develop a maternal mental health condition, and nearly one in seven will develop postpartum depression.”
Learn more about mental health challenges that may arise during the postpartum period.
<br>Even for those who don’t require treatment for perinatal mental health conditions, pregnancy and childbirth can be emotionally and physically demanding. Providing thoughtful support can make all the difference for your partner.
Plan Ahead
“Ask your partner how you can support them ahead of time and revisit this conversation regularly,” recommends Dr. Boyars. “Their needs during the first trimester will differ from their needs after the baby is born.”
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<br>“The postpartum period can be especially challenging for couples,” adds Dr. Boyars. “Work with your partner to develop a shared plan for easing the transition. For example, if your partner is breastfeeding, you can contribute by washing bottles or breast pump parts.”
You should also create a plan for transitions in your routine, such as your return to work from parental leave. “If you are going back to work while your partner stays home with the baby, set a realistic time to come home each night and stick to it,” advises Dr. Boyars.
Other conversations to have with your partner ahead of time include deciding when to allow visitors into the home. “Your partner may want peace and quiet in the weeks after giving birth,” explains Dr. Boyars. “If you plan for this ahead of time, you can begin to set expectations among family and friends about when they can visit.”
Expect the Unexpected
While proactive communication can help anticipate your partner’s needs, it’s important to be prepared for unexpected challenges. Couples should check in regularly to address any changes that arise.
“Unanticipated difficulties can be tough to deal with at any time, but they can feel especially overwhelming when they occur during pregnancy,” shares Dr. Boyars.
One common change is mood fluctuation. During the peripartum period, a mother’s emotional state may fluctuate, even if every aspect of the pregnancy and delivery go as planned.
“After the baby is delivered, your partner will experience a rapid drop in the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which increase during pregnancy,” explains Dr. Boyars. “This can lead to mood swings or even a longer-term mental health condition such as postpartum depression or anxiety.”
Symptoms of postpartum depression may include:
- Persistent low mood
- Changes in appetite
- Disrupted sleep patterns
- Loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy
- Tearfulness
- Thoughts of self-harm
“If your partner’s symptoms persist for more than a few weeks, encourage them to seek care from their ob-gyn or a mental health provider,” advises Dr. Boyars.
View and download our Differentiating Baby Blues from Postpartum Depression flyer.
<br>Other unexpected changes may include fluctuations in sexual desire. “Sex drive and libido can vary significantly during pregnancy,” notes Dr. Boyars. “After childbirth, sexual activity is generally safe following the first postpartum follow-up appointment, but some people may not feel ready to resume intimacy right away.”
“Couples should be honest about their feelings and work to understand each other’s concerns,” adds Dr. Boyars.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Your partner isn’t the only one who may struggle with emotional challenges during this transition.
“Life stressors—like becoming a parent—can lead to depressive symptoms for both partners,” says Dr. Boyars. “About one in ten fathers develop postpartum depression.”
“If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t bottle up your emotions out of fear of burdening your partner,” adds Dr. Boyars. “Both partners should support and seek feedback from each other.”
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<br>While your partner can help you manage the day-to-day ups and downs, don’t hesitate to seek professional support for more serious, lasting mental health concerns.
“Taking care of your own well-being allows you to be fully present for your partner and your new child,” encourages Dr. Boyars.
Resources for partners during the postpartum period:
- National Alliance on Mental Illness: Mental Health for New Parents
- National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
- Postpartum Support International: Help for Dads
For more information about Women’s Reproductive Mental Health of Texas or to request an appointment, call 1-833-UT-CARES (1-833-882-2737) or visit here.
For more information about the Comprehensive Fetal Care Center or to request an appointment, call 1-512-324-0040 or visit here.