Curiosity Is Key

Communication is the key to successful relationships. As such, we must learn how to better express ourselves and sharpen our active listening skills when engaging in conversation with our partner. Even if you and your partner have strong communication skills and understand each other well, maintaining healthy communication requires ongoing effort and intention. One aspect many couples overlook, especially in long-term relationships, is maintaining the same curiosity they had early on.

“It can become very easy to think you know your partner as well as you know yourself,” says Krystal Duran, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker in the Musculoskeletal Institute and member of UT Health Austin’s Health Social Work care team. “But people are constantly changing and evolving. The key to a healthy relationship is to remain curious about your partner and invite your partner to be curious about you.”

Inviting Curiosity In

The first step to healthy communication is being curious—both about how you communicate and how your partner does. Understanding your own habits, patterns, and triggers can help you navigate conversations with more clarity, while staying open to your partner’s communication style fosters deeper connection.

“It’s easy to get comfortable and think, ‘this is just how it is,’” says Duran. “But people are constantly evolving, and we all grow up with different ways of communicating. Just because one person is used to shutting down during conflict doesn’t mean the other person will respond in the same way.”

Curiosity is key because no two people approach conversations the same way. Reflect on questions like: How do I usually react in conflict? How does my partner communicate? Is this a style I’m comfortable with, or is there room for us to grow together? Openness to learning—not just about your partner, but also about yourself—creates space for growth in any relationship.

Leaning Into Vulnerability

Effective communication doesn’t just require clarity— it needs courage. “To truly connect, you have to be willing to be vulnerable—and that means accepting that people’s responses won’t always align with what you hope for,” explains Duran. “It’s uncomfortable, which is why many of us stick to familiar patterns, even when they aren’t working. But growth comes from that discomfort. It takes courage to speak up, to express your needs, and to trust that doing so is an act of self-respect, not conflict.”

Vulnerability might feel difficult, but it’s the foundation of genuine connection. When you lean into that discomfort, you create space for honesty, understanding, and relationships built on more than just assumptions.

Leading With Transparency

“Part of being curious about your partner includes addressing certain boundaries early in a relationship,” shares Duran. “Be upfront about what you need. This sets your non-negotiables while giving your partner the chance to acknowledge and navigate them with you.”

While it’s important to establish what matters to you, be open to the idea that these priorities may shift over time. “You’ll discover new things about yourself and your partner as the relationship grows,” adds Duran. “What felt non-negotiable early on might change—and that’s not a sign of dishonesty, just growth.” Healthy communication means revisiting these conversations as your relationship evolves.

Engaging in Healthy Dialogue

When faced with a disagreement, try to be welcoming of new information and receptive to feedback regarding how your intentions come across to your significant other during conversation.

“Disagreements are inevitable,” explains Duran. “If you spend enough time with a person, you’re going to discover things you disagree about. There will also be points throughout your relationship where you are going to disappoint them, and they are going to disappoint you.”

Strategies for engaging in healthy dialogue during an argument:

1. Keep close to curiosity: Be curious about what you are understanding to be the problem, as well as what your significant other is understanding to be the problem. Explore whether the intentions and the effects of those intentions are matching up.
2. Identify what problem you’re trying to tackle together: Don’t focus on figuring out whether you or your significant other is the problem. Remember that the problem is the problem. You and your significant other are people. You are not the problem. Your significant other is not the problem.
3. Prioritize effects over intentions: Stay focused on the effects of your intentions by acknowledging the impact your intentions have had on your significant other and working to ensure your intentions do not have that effect in the future.

Accepting Imperfection From Both Sides

At the heart of healthy communication is the simple truth that none of us are mind readers. “The reality is, we’re all just figuring this out—no one’s an expert when it comes to relationships,” says Duran. “Everyone needs something different, which is why it’s so important to drop the barriers, be vulnerable, and have honest conversations. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to truly get to know someone. Instead of wondering, ‘What do they want?’ ask, ‘What do we both need?’ and ‘How do we get that?”

Vulnerability isn’t always easy, but it’s the foundation of meaningful connection. When we stop guessing and start communicating with openness and curiosity, we give our relationships room to grow—not through perfection, but through genuine understanding.

If you are receiving care at UT Health Austin, you can ask to speak with a social worker.

To make an appointment with UT Health Austin, call 1-833-UT-CARES (1-833-882-2737) or visit here.